Mommyhood

Happy (day late... but hey, I'm a mom so it's okay!) Mother's Day to all of the lovely moms in my life!  We had a lovely couple of days here and the weather could not have been better!  It finally hit seventy degrees... wooo-hoooooo!  Hopefully it doesn't just jump straight into hot weather because I could take a few more weeks months of this!  Jake and his daddy took me out to dinner on Saturday night and gave me a picnic basket for our future park trips and a certificate for a mani/pedi (yes, please!).  They did GOOD!  I also got a nap for the second Mother's Day in a row, so I think that's becoming a bit of a tradition.  I'll take it!

As I was laying in bed last night (at 19 weeks I'm already starting to have insomnia... awesome) I thought about just how much motherhood has changed me.  How it changes us as women.  The most defining moment in my life by far was the moment that Jake was born and I became a mother- by far the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Becoming a wife is something that you do; becoming a mother is something that happens to you.  And with it, comes the highest of highs and at times, the lowest of lows, but the highs by far make it worth it.  So in honor of this occassion, I thought I would share just some of those highs, lows, and lessons learned from this adventure we call motherhood:

• Sleep and showering are not as necessary as I used to think they were.  However, a long, hot shower is one of the sweetest pleasures in life these days.  It's truly the only "me-time" I get in a day.
• There is no better feeling than when your child spots you in a crowded room and makes a beeline to give you a hug or be picked up.  Although, hearing him say "Mmmmm-mah" (his kiss sound) after I tell him I love him is pretty darn awesome, too.
• Nobody ever told me that watching any movie where kids are in danger would affect me so deeply after having a child.  I have become so sensitive to movies, TV shows, and especially news stories involving children and am moved to tears on many occasions.
• Even after a year, I still get tempted to wake my kid up in the middle of the night just to see him and squeeze those cheeks.  But every mom knows better after trying it once!
• Nothing beats a freshly bathed child in pajamas... oh how I love that baby shampoo smell!
• Knowing that my body can house, build, and deliver a child makes me so much more forgiving of myself.  Sure, I may never be bikini-ready again, but I have embraced my post-baby figure more than I ever did my pre-baby figure.  Although the second-pregnancy figure is something that I'm having a harder time coping with!
• Trying to keep a little boy clean is an uphill-battle.  I've come to accept that no matter how cute his outfit was, he will inevitable be covered in either head-to-toe dirt or food by the end of the day.
• Dressing a toddler (or changing a diaper) can be a full-on workout.
• Kids understand humor at a very young age.  My son already thinks he's funny, which is something that we know might get annoying in the future if he ends up not actually being funny.  
• It doesn't take as long as one might think to memorize a storybook.  I think my brain is up to about five now.
• Going anywhere without your kid is a luxury, but it sure is weird.  It's like going out in public naked.
• Baby's naptime equals mom running around frantically trying to get a whole day's worth of chores and to-do's done in an undetermined (but too short) amount of time.  Things we used to enjoy (like blogging) are the first things to go it seems!
• A house doesn't need to stay nearly as clean as one might think.  The mess will just be back tomorrow.
• True fear is turning around someplace and realizing that your child is no longer within your sight.  Even if you're in your very own house.  Hearing a crash or a thud in the next room only intensifies that awful feeling.
• Kids heads are really made of steel.  And yes, their bodies are truly made of rubber.  It never fails to amaze me.
• The art of the temper tantrum is learned far earlier in life than I would have ever imagined.
• It doesn't matter if dad is closer... a kid with sticky, dirty hands will inevitably reach for mom.
• Poop, snot, blood, and spit are not all that gross when they come from your own child.  Vomit, on the other hand, will always be disgusting.
• When a grape goes through the drier, it really does become a raisin.  I feel like I should've figured that out on my own by now.
• Motherhood brings on a whole new level of exhaustion that you didn't know even existed before kids.
• "Before Kids" is that part of life that you really don't remember.  And thankfully, once you have a child, you don't really remember your life without him or her.  I feel like I've always known my Jake, and in my heart I always have.  My life would not be anything remotely close to what it is today without him, and I don't want to imagine life without him.

I could go on for days, as could any mom.  It sounds so cliche to tell someone that they won't understand it until they have a child of their own, but then you get here and it all becomes so very clear.  They were right all along.  And at every stage of life I think to myself, "this is my favorite," which is truly God's design.  I am so thankful to be a mom, to know what those other moms are talking about, and to truly understanding the meaning of unconditional love.  I know some people worry when having their second child that they won't love that child the same as their first, as it would be impossible.  For me, I haven't worried about that for a second.  My heart expanded in size the day Jake came along, and I know there's plenty of room left for it to happen again.  There is no greater blessing and no greater job on the planet, and that's enough of a mother's day present for me.

God bless all of you moms out there... I hope you're enjoying the journey as much as I am.  Even on the hard days.  :)

Sweet Baby Jake

I realized today that it's been far too long since I've done an update on our favorite little guy (even though I've been promising one for months) so here's what's been going on with our almost 13-month-old!

Jake's disposition is still as sweet as can be.  He's happy and laughing 95% of the time... but when he gets mad, he gets MAD!  When he doesn't get his way he can throw quite an impressive temper tantrum.  We've gotten pretty good at just ignoring him when he acts this way and that seems to work pretty well.  But like I said, most of the time, he is quite the happy dude.  He's also quite independent and can play by himself for close to an hour with no problem.  Sometimes he even gets Daddy's primo spot in the recliner to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Signing Time.  One time he even successfully picked up the remote, went to the DVR list, and selected an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse all on his own!  It was probably a fluke, but still impressed us nonetheless!

Now that the weather is finally getting warmer (welcome to Illinois!... it was 46 degrees and cloudy today!) we're spending lots of time outside.  Jake is ALL BOY.  He beelines straight for the dirt and digs his hands right in.  He often brings me his shoes and then runs to the backdoor... at least he lets me know what he wants!

Speaking of outside, he's become quite a big fan of the slide.  We can now set him up at the top and he'll wiggle his way down and slide to the bottom on his own!  Such a big boy!

When we are indoors, he loves his books!  I used to laugh at the moms that said their 1-year-old (or younger) loved books, but now I understand that it's possible.  He'll flip through his books on his own for 30 minutes or so and definitely has his favorites that he likes to read.  Sometimes he'll bring one, have you read it to him, and then go get the next one.  So far I have The Boss Baby, What Is Easter, and The Night You Were Born memorized, which is handy when I'm reading to him while changing his diaper or want the room dark before bedtime.  The only downside is sometimes he screams when the book is over, which inevitably happens every time!  He gets mad that they end!

As for his stats, he is quite the big boy!  He weighs about 25 pounds (75th percentile) and is 32 inches tall (93rd percentile!).  He can now reach doorknobs, but thankfully cannot turn them yet.  Tabletops are no longer safe though as he can get to just about anything these days.

As for words, his favorite is "Dog" and he says it every time he sees one (or any animal for that matter). He also knows the sign for it.  He also knows Mama, Dada (his most frequent word), Pawpaw, and he still says "ball" from time to time.  He can answer you when you ask him what the cow, sheep, or baby elephant says.  The elephant is the funniest and we do have video that I need to post.  We have a book of animal sounds and he also does the rooster, but only when we're reading the book.  He also does the signs for "more" and "all done" during mealtimes.

We've mastered walking (and running) by now and he gets faster and faster everyday!  We're trying to teach him to hold hands and walk with us since he likes to wander wherever he wants.  He's very social and will walk up to just about anyone and start babbling... at least he knows what he's saying!  He also blows kisses very freely these days to just about anyone he sees.  He's even quite chatty by himself at home and loves to "talk" on the phone- he'll hold it to his ear, walk around, and have an entire conversation.  Sometimes he even laughs which cracks us up!  He still loves music and really boogies down!  I also have video of that, so one of these days I'll get that up here (so I say).  He has a set of drumsticks now and he is quite the little drummer as well!  He'll sit in his high chair and play along to any song on the radio with a big grin on his face.  It's pretty awesome.

Hmmm... what else?  Like I said, it's been a LONG time since I did an update so there are several new things he's doing now.  The other day I turned my back and when I turned back around he had climbed up and was sitting on the coffee table!  He can also get onto the chair in his room and if he's sitting on the couch he will climb onto the end table.  Our little monkey scares his mama to death sometimes!

Jake is quite coordinated these days.  He throws the ball like a champ and can hit a ball off of his little tee- something Aunt Angie is proud of!  Like I said, he's ALL BOY!  I just can't get enough.

I could go on and on and on as I know there are about a million other things that Jake does that amazes me everyday.  I have just loved watching him grow, learn, explore, and develop into this silly little boy who loves to laugh (and make others laugh).  Everyday just gets more and more fun with a one-year-old!  And every time I get a bit sad that my baby is getting too big, I am reminded that there's another one on the way and we get to start all over again so very soon!  Let's just hope I can remember how to handle a newborn!

Public Service Announcement

If you plan to take your child to the doctor's office, beware of what you feed him or her for breakfast. They may see this and decide that a call to DCFS is in order:

Thanks to my son's affection of climbing stairs and being naked, I noticed this frightening (and rather large) mark on his thigh before anybody else did. After much panic I thankfully noticed a tiny purple spot on his diaper as well. How I missed the stray (squashed) blueberry in his high chair when I cleaned up his breakfast is beyond me. Thankfully it was nothing a little soap couldn't take care of! Crisis averted.

Easter Weekend

For the first time since its release, Josh and I sat down and watched the Passion of the Christ together on Thursday night.  It had been eight years since I experienced the movie (because it's something you experience, not just watch!) and I was struck by just how different it all felt to me.  Eight years ago I sat in a theater fully knowing the story and what Jesus' sacrifice meant, but I was not living a life that really reflected that.  I sat in a pew on (some) Sunday mornings, but my choices and values that I lived out Monday thru Saturday were not based on any strong pillars of faith.  My life at that time centered around me: what I wanted, what I needed, what I thought was best for me.  The faith I lived out was more from the book of Kim than any other book of the Bible and occassionally influenced by those around me.  Even though I knew, as I have always known, that God loved me and sent His only son to die for me, it was only that: knowledge.  But it wasn't my life.  I sat in the theater with my sister and brother-in-law and bawled my eyes out, mainly because I could not get over the brutality of it all.  Christ's death is still one of the most horrific acts of humankind (and I don't think that was an accident) and even though I left the theater understanding the true sacrifice a little bit more, it did nothing to change the way I was living.

As I sat and watched this with my husband the other night it was so different than that last time.  Sure, I was still outraged by the hateful way Jesus was treated, but in the back of my mind I just kept reassuring myself that it had to happen this way.  It was all planned out to long before Jesus was born.  This time I also noticed tiny details that I would've overlooked before- how the disciples all fell asleep while waiting in the garden, why Jesus starts his sentences with 'Amen', how water would pour out of Him when He was pierced on the cross, etc.- because now I not only know the story, but I've read it numerous times and have a more intimate understanding of it.  Before seeing some of these details on screen, I would wonder if certain ones would be depicted, and they always were, just as I had read them- small details that I never would have picked up on the first time around.  Small details I would not have picked up on had I never read the accounts of His death for myself.

More than anything, however, I could not bear the thought of what Mary went through that day.  Now that I have seen this film through a mother's eyes it completely tore me up.  Mary knew this day was coming, but even she could not have imagined what she would have to witness that day.  As she watched her son be beaten, mopped up his blood, and kissed his feet after his death I wondered to myself, 'could I have endured the same pain?  Could I watch my own son go through that sort of brutal punishment for a crime he did not commit?  Would I stay there until the bitter end?'  But when I got home and cuddled my own precious angel I knew the answer without a doubt.  Absolutely I would.  She was a mother like any other who could not bear the thought of leaving her son to go through pain alone, even though the pain he felt was much different than how she suffered.  This time I cried mostly for Mary, for her pain, and for the sacrifice she made for us, too.  I thought of my Aunt Claudia, how she must've felt after my cousin Tommy died in a motorcycle accident, and how holding onto his lifeless body was the only thing she could do to ease his pain, even though it was more to try and somehow ease hers.  Mothers should never have to lose their sons (or children in general).  I've always believed this, but now that I have my own really hits home.  God chose to lose His son for us.  Actually, God chose to crush His son for us.  To have him brutally beaten until he was unrecognizable.  To have him publicly mocked and shamed.  To have Him hung on a cross to die in the most painful form of capital punishment that this world has ever seen.  And He did that for me.  Yep, me, who lived by my own wild ways for years and years; it doesn't matter anymore because He always waited and wanted me back.  And He did that for YOU.  The God of the universe, who created the earth and everything on it, cares so deeply about you and me that He sacrificed what was most precious to Him.  And this Easter, I am so very grateful and feeling so very blessed.  It truly is the greatest love-story ever written.

This weekend as you spend time with your families, go to church, hunt eggs, and enjoy the (hopefully) beautiful spring weather, take some time to remember what this day is truly all about.  As followers of Christ we tend to make a bigger deal out of Christmas, but this day is truly what sets us free.  Jesus was beaten and killed, rose from the dead, and left behind an empty tomb- his happy ending is indeed ours, too.  If you don't know the story I would encourage you to read it and you can find it in all four Gospels in the Bible.  And if you have not seen the movie I would encourage you to watch it, and make sure you have a box of Kleenex nearby.  And if you can, look past the inhumanity of those who hated Him and instead focus on the fact that He did this because of those who He loves.  He loves you.  He loves me.  And that is something worth celebrating.

From our house to yours, have a very happy Easter holiday!

For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.”

John 6:40

My "To Done" List

Wow, airing out what a slacker I have been lately really seemed to get me going!  Seriously, it has done wonders for my motivation these last couple of days!  Now I think I understand why some people blog incessantly about working out or crafting... perhaps it helps keep them accountable, thus making them more productive.  The strange thing is that while I was doing things that were on my list from my post about this, I also started getting things done that I didn't even realize I had to do!  Granted, I still have a long way to go and I know that the list will grow before it gets shorter, but here is what I have accomplished:

• Curtains for the office / playroom: ORDERED!  And the best part?  I found a random JC Penney gift card in my desk (see what you might find when you clean?), which not only paid for the curtains, but half of my sister's birthday gift, too.  As a sidenote, if you're ever looking for window treatments, JC Penney has an awesome selection.  Just FYI.
• Which brings me to my sister's birthday gifts... both IN THE MAIL!  Go me!  Both sisters should be receiving their belated birthday gifts early next week.  And my Nana's card?  On the way, too!
• I have taken pictures (almost) everyday this week in order to start back up with Project365
• Although I have no plans to start back up on P90X anytime soon- especially with le bebe on the way- I did go for a walk on Thursday and a walk/run (more walking than running mind you) today.  I plan to get up early 2 mornings this week and go to the gym... now that it's on the blog I have to do it, right?  Right???
• And here's all of the random stuff that wasn't on the blog that got done: the bag of clothes that has been sitting on our bedroom floor for ages is now at Goodwill, the old Comcast boxes (we briefly switched and have since decided to stick with DirecTV) were disconnected and returned to the Comcast payment center, I wrote all of the thank-you notes for Jake's birthday and will hand them out at church this weekend, and I took all of Josh's old photos out of the box they were in, organized them, and put them into an album... a surprise that he loved!

He was out of town last week which I sometimes think is helpful for getting things accomplished.  I don't feel like I am missing out on spending time with him to get some of this stuff done instead.  And his dad is coming into town this week so I'm hoping some of those home-improvement related items will get knocked off the list while I have some extra help with Jake.

So here's what I think... post all of those half-done projects on your blog and see if it helps you get the motivation to turn your "To Do" list into a "To Done" list!  Next up on mine?  Organize Jake's photos and get his baby and year one books finished.  This one may take awhile, but I'll never finish if I don't get started, right?

The Salamander Pajamas

One year ago this month my family lost my beloved Aunt Barbara.  To say she is missed is such an understatement... the world lost a little bit of sunshine the day she passed away. I'm not the only one who thinks she was pretty darn special either- Emerson High School is dedicating a softball field to her.  She was a high school teacher and softball coach for years and years and many people worked together in the effort to honor her this way.  Like I said, she is missed by many people.  The dedication is at the end of this month and although I am sad that I don't get to be there, I was filled with pride when I was sent this picture of the brand new sign:

I mean really, how awesome is that?

Like I said, I am going to miss the dedication, but I know I will be thinking of her that day.  Actually, I think of her often and nothing in particular really triggers it.  They are just random memories of Aunt B that come my way from time to time and I love that.  The one thing I always hope to remember though is her voice.  That voice is engrained in my memory and I hope it's there to stay.  Anytime I talked to her on the phone she'd say, "Hi, Kimber!" and that's the phrase that I can still hear.  And I really miss hearing it.

The other day I was switching out Jake's clothes yet again.  It seems like all I've done during year one is bring one bin up to the attic and bring another one down.  It's kind of fun in a way because I get to see all of the new outfits my little man will be wearing in the upcoming months, but it's always a bit sad to put the ones he has outgrown away.  It's just a reminder of how quickly the little one is growing up.  But on this particular occasion, I got such a special treat.  As I pulled out items of clothing one by one a particular pair of pants caught my eye.  I just sat there, frozen in place as I stared at them in the bin.  Tiny pajama pants, covered in colorful salamanders, would probably be nothing special to anyone else.  But to me, they were a gift all over again.  Jake never met his Great Aunt B, but before she passed away she sent him a pair of pajamas.... cute, colorful salamander pajamas.  I remember opening them and thinking to myself how very "Aunt B" they were and how I couldn't wait for him to wear them someday.  With tags still on them I packed them in the 12-18 month bin and forgot all about them.  And then twelve months later I stumbled upon them- simple salamander pajamas that have taken on a whole new meaning... the most special gift a little boy could receive, but an even more special gift for his mama.

Aunt B, it's as if you planned it.  Thank you for popping in and saying "hello" to me and my little boy the other day... it's another one of those memories that will forever be branded in my mind.  Just a mom unpacking her child's clothes to find herself sobbing in the upstairs hallway, all because of a pair of pajamas.  But now, when my little man wears them, they are filled with energy and life, just as you would have it.  And I know that no matter what, you're a part of him and he's a part of you, and your legacy will be carried on forever.  A part of me is always sad when I put away the clothes that Jake has outgrown, but when these get too small, I'm really not sure I'll be able to pack them away with the rest.  Perhaps he'll just have to wear them until the seams fall out.

You are truly missed.

Unfinished Business

Lately I have come to realize that I have gotten really bad at finishing things that I start.  Take this blog for example... I used to post on here regularly and now it seems like it's once in a blue moon.  Granted, I don't feel like I have much blog-worthy stuff to say, but surely I can find something!  Or my Project365 which lasted all of, what?  Three weeks?  Awesome.  Or the P90X workout that I started last summer... let's see, that ended up being about P3X since it lasted a whopping 3 days.  Now I do know that having a kid puts a whole new dimension of time demands on a person, and that comes on top of working a full-time job from home, keeping house, and trying to serve the church a bit as well as my husband, but how much of this slackerness is acceptable?  Let's take a look around the house, shall we?

Ah yes, my office-slash-playroom.  See the curtains on the right side of the room?  Yeah, well I ordered one too-few panels and was supposed to either find someone to chop the existing panel in two and hem the edge or (more likely) get online and order a second panel.  Yeah, neither have been done.  Not to mention that I had grand plans to organize this mess and that hasn't happened yet either.

Which leads me to another room in the house- the spare bedroom and possibly Jake's room when the new baby comes along.  It's hard to see in this tiny picture, but when we painted the room blue, there was a shelf up that I couldn't get down.  So when my father-in-law last visited in December, I had him take it down, fully intending to spackle and paint those spots.  Yup, it's now four months later.  I think it may be about time to "get around to it."

Moving on... our beautiful remodeled bathroom.  By the time we had completed this we were both over it.  Especially Josh.  So I told myself that I would do the touch-up work later.  Yeah well, that was last fall... long before that shelf in the above picture came down.  And there is still orange on the white and the ceiling still needs a top coat of paint.  Just don't look up when you're in this room, okay?

This one actually makes me laugh a little bit because it is a room that is finished, just not in this picture.  I took this picture ages ago as a "before" picture for the blog, have since repainted and redecorated and still have yet to take and post the "after" picture.  Seriously- how hard is that?

 And it's not just house stuff if you're wondering that by now.  It's little things, too.  For example, this is a photo of my Nana's birthday card, still yet to be mailed.  My Nana's birthday was in January!  Not to mention that she's been in the hospital over this past month and I'm sure a little mail would cheer her up.  Ridiculous.

And while I'm on the topic of birthdays, not only did I totally forget to do birthday blog posts for both sisters in March, but both are still waiting on their gifts.  Well, they're not really waiting because we don't expect anything from each other, but I still have yet to get anything in the mail to them (along with some money I owe one of them).  This bag has been sitting on my dining room table mocking me... I just need to get it in a box and mail it already!  And I know exactly what I want to get the other sister and just haven't gone out to pick it up yet.  Another thing on my ever-growing "To Do" list.

As a mom, time really does get away from you more often then not, but when surveying my surroundings lately I've realized that I use this "lack of time" as an excuse!  Even when it comes to the important things such as my daily Bible study, which is now weekly if I'm lucky.  It took me months to finish Numbers, and granted, it's not the most exciting book in the Bible, but it should not have taken nearly that long!  So I've decided I need to hit the "Reset" button and start finishing these things that I've started... no more excuses.  In fact, I'm going to rid my life of excuses all together.  Some things are unavoidable of course- I mean, I can't go to Hawaii if someone asks me because I don't really have the funding for that, but things like that aren't excuses but rather reality.  But when I can, I plan to start being more proactive and persevere until I finish my projects.  We'll see how it goes... I'll keep you posted.  In fact, I think I'm going to start right. this. minute.  So here's my commitment for tonight... this project has been calling my name for some time now:

Gotta go!  Can't put it off any longer!

What projects can you get finished this week?