Biggest Loser - Weeks 2 and 3

So did I mention that I ran a half marathon last weekend?

Um, yeah... that pretty much made me rationalize all of the junk I ate all week.  I love to run long distances, but I forgot that it turns me into a bottomless pit, something I need to work on if I sign up for more races this summer and fall.  Plus, my friend Cory had me make Amish friendship bread (basically she made me do it) and the two loaves were gone in about three days.  Yeah, it was THAT good... the Amish really know what they're doing.  But my main discovery this week is that weight loss is all about defeating the excuses.  As I strive to eat healthier, I realize that I can talk myself into having just about anything that's not good for me.  I ran a half marathon, so logically that allows me to have a free pass all week, right?  Or since it's Mother's Day this weekend I should be able to eat not just one, but three molten lava cakes that my husband made for me (oh yes he did... and they were super delicious!).  Or since I skipped dinner, I can have a second bowl of ice cream.  It's ridiculous, and something that I need to work on... do you have this problem, too?

On the upside, there are a few things that I have improved on as well.  For one, I don't stop every time I pass Starbucks.  To you this may not sound like much, but it's a huge accomplishment for me.  I can talk myself into a latte at all hours of the day and realized that I would get one even when I really didn't want it.  Sure, it still tasted good, but was the four dollars really worth it?  Since I work from home I don't drive by one all that often, which is probably why it used to be so appealing when I did, but just because it's a novelty doesn't mean I need to have it every time it's available.  It's all about choices and truly listening to your body.

So where did the scale end up?  Unfortunately I have been going the wrong direction, but it was only an 0.2 gain this week, probably due to the race.  A day after the weekly weigh-in I caught a little bug that Jake had been sick with and, well, I'm now down two... go figure.  So my goal for this week is to make better overall choices and fight that irrational part of my brain that makes all of those excuses.  Oh, and I may want to show my face again at the gym... I'm pretty sure my muscles have forgotten what they are supposed to do!

How was your week??

Pounding Pavement

Well I've done it. I've started running again. Not necessarily training for anything, but at least I am pounding the pavement. For those of you who have known me awhile, you probably know that running is a passion of mine. It's "me" time and occasionally "me and a good friend" time or "me and my husband" time. For a long time, it was "me and my sister" time and I really miss those runs. But since Jake came along, running has terrified me.

Okay, so I know that it sounds completely crazy to say that, but when the whole blood clot thing happened and I went on bed rest for awhile, I could slowly feel myself get out of shape. As many pregnant ladies do (and should in my opinion), I had that extra scoop of ice cream at night, that fourth piece of pizza, and that midnight snack when I wanted it. Slowly some pregnancy weight started creeping onto other parts of me besides that big ol' belly, but I didn't mind. And I don't wish that I had done it any differently. In the back of my mind however, I knew that putting on those running shoes again would not come easy.

Before I was pregnant, I could run a marathon. I could walk out the door and run a ten miler with very little difficulty. With very little training, I could survive just about any race if I needed to. And the tough part is that my mindset has stayed this way. My brain seems to be stuck in the past, thinking that I can very easily put on those shoes and keep a steady pace for a couple of hours. But not long into my run these days, my body does not feel the same way. Now instead of thinking "just make it to that next stop sign" I think, "that stop sign is too far away. I'll never make it." Instead of finding my groove- a happy place where my body pretty much does everything mechanically and my mind can wander and enjoy my surroundings, often times praising God for the beautiful day and the ability to run at all- I pant and grunt and my heart feels like it's going to pound right out of my chest. The "meanness" in me (as my husband always puts it) has been replaced with a very strong desire to quit, or at least walk much more than I'd like. In other words, it's not fun as much fun as it used to be, back when I was good at it. And I miss my fun... a lot. So I'm finding myself treating each run like an old friend that I have to get reacquainted with after a long hiatus. It's awkward right now, but I know that over time we will bond again and reconnect in our special way.

So although I have not signed up for any races (yet), I am going to continue to tie those laces, press "Start" on my watch, and get out there when I can. And hopefully soon, even if it's for just a couple of minutes, I will find that happy place and know that I am back. And those few moments will make it all worth it.