Race Season!

A few weeks ago we officially kicked off "Race Season" with the Keeneland Half Marathon Relay (which you can read about here).  Racing used to be a huge part of Josh's and my lives, particularly at the point in our lives when we met.  I was much more into running than he was, but he started signing up for races with me so that we could spend some more time together.  His passion has always been cycling, so as his running increased, so did his interest in triathlons.  And then we had kids... and putting in the time and commitment to train for these things got a little more difficult!

 To say that we're excited to be back in the swing of things is an understatement.  With all of our focus going into our family and our church plant over these past few years, it's nice to get back to doing things just for us- the things we love most.  And there are very few things that I love more than a race day.  When we're missing on a weekend (although we're back for church on Sunday of course!) chances are you can find one of us up ridiculously early and out on a course somewhere.  

Like two weeks ago... Josh ran the Music City Marathon in Nashville and the babies and I cheered him on.

 It was a ridiculously hot and sunny morning, the course was hilly, and he rocked it!  I love watching him race almost as much as I love racing myself.  Almost.

 And then this past weekend I went up to Cincinatti and ran the Flying Pig Half Marathon with my group of Florida girls, which made for an awesome reunion weekend- complete, of course, with tutus!

I had a friend comment the following day that we're all crazy.  She said that she would never understand why a person would want to get up crazy early and willingly run long distances, particularly since we're not being chased by something.  And although I couldn't explain it at that moment, I do know that there are countless reasons why I love these events.

I started off this particular race with the girls.  I love to encourage people.  I love to motivate.  And I love to have side-by-side conversations.  Sometimes I can hash out my biggest problems or frustrations with a running partner.  It's like therapy.

Around mile 5 we cruised through downtown Cincinnati.  The streets were lined with people and I thrive on that.  I love seeing the faces and hearing the cheers from spectators.  I love the little kids who get excited that you high-five them.  I love reading the signs- the ones that will make you laugh and the ones that will make you cry.  And I love being near someone when they see someone they know along the way and it totally changes them from feeling like they can't do it to knowing that they can.

After that span, I felt pretty good and ended up pulling ahead.  I put in my headphones and just ran for awhile, my brain completely thoughtless.  My body moved mechanically, because it has done this a thousand times before, and I just ran on autopilot.  I love being "in the zone."  I love that God created us with bodies that can move like this and accomplish anything that we're willing to put in the work for.  

Then, I started to break down.  We went uphill for a ridiculously long time.  In fact, they say it's the equivalent climb of a 41-story building... so yes, maybe that part was a little crazy.  And as I took my very first walk-break, my brain started telling me that I couldn't do it.  That I was hot.  And my feet and back hurt.  That my lungs could not keep up with the oxygen support.  That I could fake an injury and not finish or lie and say I waited in a really long port-a-potty line, which made my time so slow.  And do you want to know why I love the breakdown?  Because at some point, I stare it all down in the face, put one foot in front of the other, and start running again.  And whether it's thirty minutes or three minutes before I start walking again, I ultimately overcome those thoughts.  And at the end of the day, I cross a finish line.

We joke a lot that I do this for the "bling," as I do love the shiny medal at the end, but it's so much more than that.  For me, it's uninterrupted time with my thoughts.  It's listening to praise music and lifting my hands in the air to the God who created me, even though I know I look like an insane person to anybody watching.  It's thinking about my babies, and how proud they would be of me for finishing.  I think about how I want to stay young and healthy enough for them to be around for a long, long time.  I reflect on my marriage, on how much I love my husband, and the ups and downs of things.  This past weekend came with some trials for us, but after mulling over a lot of it on the race course, I knew that there would be goodness that came from the struggle we encountered.  I knew that running out my frustrations would put me in a calm place to talk about our feelings and better understand one another in the long run (which has already happened actually).  I think about my Aunt Barbara, whom we lost a few years ago to cancer, and how she would have loved to have been running this race with us.  I think about ways that I can do more in this world, serve others better, reach out farther, and make a difference and an impact.  The open road has always been kind to me.  My best ideas find me there, my solutions to life's problems meet me there, and my most fervent prayers are said and heard there.  It's a special place and one that I miss when I'm away from it, an old friend that never lets me down.  So it's okay with me if you think I'm crazy because the truth is, I know that I would actually go crazy without it.  In fact, I may or may not have already been online looking for the next race... because I know that it will be amazing no matter what the clock says at the finish line.

We have quite a bit on the summer calendar already... feel free to join us if you'd like:

May 12th 

- [Josh] Olympic Triathlon (Taylorsville, KY)

June 23rd 

- Warrior Dash (Elizabethtown, KY)

July 7th 

- [Josh] Half Ironman (Muncie, IN)

August 11th 

- Midsummer's Night Run 5K (Lexington, KY)

- [Jake] Fastest Kid in Town (Lexington, KY) - this should go better than last year!

August 26th 

- [Josh] Ironman (Louisville, KY) - can't wait for this!

I am sure some 5K's and 10K's will be added throughout the summer, but I'm so excited to see these events on my calendar again.  Let me know if you'll be at any of these or if there is something out there that we shouldn't miss!

I know I didn't do a Biggest Loser post this week, but as you can see, I did work out and am still moving in the right direction!  And don't forget that the first Mama's Month post will be up tomorrow!  I hope you post, too! 

Holy Hills, Batman!

It's official... I am back in the game when it comes to running!  Yep, yours truly has re-entered the world of road racing, and boy does it feel good!  Aside from the Race for the Cure last October, I have not participated in any sort of race since I was pregnant with Jake in 2009.  I ran occasionally after he was born, and then was pregnant again before I knew it.  After Lilly came along, I took my time getting back into it and then kicked it into high gear over the past ten weeks, ramping up my weekly mileage and starting to feel like me again.  When I heard that the Lexington Half Marathon had a four-person relay team option, I thought it might be the perfect way to get my feet wet again.  

There are very few things that I love more in this life than a good race day.  And knowing that the course was through Keeneland (a horse racing track surrounded by gorgeous horse farms and gardens), I knew it would be a beautiful place to run.  But race days are more than that for me.  Some people dislike having to bob and weave their way around runners of different paces, but I had forgotten how much I love that.  It's like a little game to me, and it gives me something to focus on other than the run.  And oh the energy!  There is such an excitement at any race that it's almost palpable and this one was no different.  Whether it's your first race or your 100th, those butterflies and jitters are still there.  But more than anything, my favorite part of any race day is the comradery between all of the participants and the spectators.  Since I was part of a relay team, I had to wait at a checkpoint for about 35 minutes until my partner finished the first leg and handed off our timing wristband.  But while a group of about 40 of us stood there, we got to watch as the first guy zoomed by, literally sprinting.  We all cheered and clapped, proud of this total stranger.  Then two more came by and we shouted words of encouragement.  Maybe the biggest applause came when about the sixth man ran by- get this- pushing a DOUBLE jogging stroller!  Wow.  You are my hero, dude.  And then of course we got to see the first women come by and that set us all off into a frenzy again.  We continued to clap and cheer as the crowd thickened and then I screamed my brains out when I spotted Josh.  That would be him in the pink sleeves.  Because as you know, real men do wear pink.

 

I spent the next few minutes looking for my relay partner and somehow spotted her before I did.  Yeah, we all wore light blue tee-shirts, which did not stand out in a crowd at all.  Something to remedy next year.  I grabbed the wristband and off I went, filled to the brim with bound up energy.  And even though I knew the course was supposed to be hilly, I think I underestimated what that actually meant.  Holy hills, Batman!  This course is... in a word... insane.  When I would get to the top of one hiull, I could see three more ahead of me, laid out like a roller coaster.  The uphills are slow, steady, and brutal.  The downhills are wonderful and frequent, but quickly followed by another trek upward.  I ran my first two miles much too quickly, averaging a 9:10 pace.  By the third mile, I was walking the uphills and running the downhills and flats.  And when I finally handed off the wristband to my sister, Angie, I was pretty sure I was done.  Josh was at the leg 3 checkpoint waiting on me, having had run legs 1 and 2.  One of his relay partners was there, too, so the three of us chatted about our runs and complained about the hills for a few minutes.  Both of us had wanted to use this run as our long training run for the week (he's training for the Nashville full this month and I'm training for the Flying Pig Half in May) so after about ten minutes, we decided to set out, at least to the next checkpoint.  I had heard that my leg was supposed to have been the hilliest, but leg three was no better.  Up and down we went, and one hill in particular went up for what seemed like forever.  Josh and I haven't run together since before Jake was born and we had a blast being out there again.  He high fived everyone on the course, we blasted music from my iPhone, and at the checkpoint for leg 4, we decided to just go to the entire way.  Why the heck not.

This race was perfect for training in a lot of ways.  I'm sure you all have heard of "hitting the wall" in a long run.  Well, I had forgotten what that was like.  And while I didn't go all the way to that dark place on this run, I did stand on the brink of it.  I had the moments where my brain started going from "you can do anything" to "you're never going to finish this."  I'm not entirely sure how, but I shut it off, zeroed in on the finish, and just kept going.  I'm glad I got a taste of that again, just to be reminded of how quickly that mentality can creep up on you.  But even more so, I'm glad that I could shut it off this time at least and finish strong.

Which reminds me what else I love about race day: crossing the finish line.  There is seriously nothing like it in the world.  Running down a chute of people cheering for you, well, is exhilarating to say the least and it felt good to be a runner instead of a spectator again.  And getting a medal doesn't hurt either.  I am a sucker for good bling.

In the end, I ran about nine and a half miles and Josh ran the full distance, but this was just what I needed to gain my confidence back.  I now know that I will be able to finish the full distance in May, even though it probably won't be in record time, which is fine by me.  Over these next few weeks I just need to work on pacing myself, not starting out too fast, and finding a sustainable speed for myself.

If you are looking for a beautiful half marathon to run, this is probably it.  We passed mansions, vineyards, horse-filled pastures, and barns that probably cost more than any house I will ever live in.  If you want a challenging course with plenty of elevation, this would be perfect.  But if you're just looking for a run run with your friends, I'd steer clear or recommend the relay option.  The course is a true loop with no real way to get to the middle without driving on the course, so there isn't much by way of spectators or entertainment.  The water stops were frequent enough, which I appreciated, but aside from the scenery, it's just you, the other runners, and the open road.  I did appreciate the three little girls that sat out on a fence rail and cheered everyone on around mile 10.  They had made signs for their parents obviously, and then another one that just said, "Go Moms!  Go Dads!"  I had to smile at that one.  Oh yeah, another thing I love about a good race day are the little things like that.  And it feels so good to be a part of it again.

Body, Mind, and Spirit

So it's official... race season has officially begun and I have no excuses this time around.  I am not pregnant, and although I'm nursing, I'm far enough through the process that if my milk supply depletes due to training I'm okay with it.  My husband has signed up for a few big races and now my girlfriends from Florida (who I miss dearly!) are all planning a girls' race weekend in May.  Pressing the "sign me up" button is proving more difficult than I would have anticipated.

You see, I have this problem.  The last race that I ran was Goofy's Race and a Half Challenge a few months before Josh and I got married.  For those of you who don't understand how crazy I am in the head, that's a half marathon (13.1 miles) on a Saturday and then a full marathon (26.2 miles) the very next day.  I was smart about it and decided to walk most of the half in order to be able to run the full, since that would use some different muscles, and even though I did fall apart from about mile 16-20 in the full, I finished both in a decent time.  The point is, I knew I could do it.  I wanted to do it, to prove to myself that I could.  And if you've ever been with me during a race, you will see a stubborn determined attitude that I don't really display at any other time in my life.

So what's the problem?  I realized the other day that my body is not quite connecting to my mind.  In my mind I am still that girl.  In my mind, I could set my alarm this coming Saturday and go out to run 9 or 10 miles, and even enjoy it!  It's something that I was good at the last time I tried, and I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that my body and my brain are disconnected.  Since that time in my life I have spent the majority of my time pregnant.  As much as it pains me to admit, I'm about ten pounds heavier than I was on that race day.  And quite frankly, there is not even a small part of me that has the motivation to get out there again.  Because I know in my heart of hearts that it will hurt.  And it will not be fun.  And I won't be great at it right away.  Like I said, failure is not an option, and I have found myself in a place where I am afraid to try because I might fail.

I look back on these past 6 months and realize that this is the only area of my life that I have allowed this attitude to creep in.  It's almost comical that I will fret about something as minor as fitness,  yet when Josh wanted to move our family three states over to start a church I didn't hesitate.  In fact, I proposed that we do it sooner because I felt it was the right time.  I was pregnant with our second child knowing full well that there would be three months of very little pay mixed in there.  And this was on top of about six months (minimum) of no pay for Josh!  We had a house to sell in a market that wasn't moving and yet, the idea of it did not scare me one bit.  For the first time in a long time I was nothing but excited.

It's my goal to find that excitement about racing again.  I know that it will be hard, as there have been times in these past months that have been challenging.  I know it won't be fun, just as being home alone with two babies while Josh works 70 hours isn't always fun.  But I know in the end that there will be joy and pride, just as there will be an abundance of that when we launch on February 12th.  For all things that are worth it in life, work is involved.

So this morning I got up earlier than I normally would, laced up the (new!) running shoes, and hit the pavement.  I started out at what I thought would be a slow pace for me.  At about a mile in, I told myself that I only had to make it two.  And then I walked the second mile.  I tried to remind myself that I'm carrying extra weight, have not really worked out hard for over two years, and am not used to running in the cold, but again, my brain and my body were not connecting.  Plus, I was sweating profusely since I have no concept of what to wear in 44 degree weather... I was dressed as if I was heading out to the arctic tundra, which makes sense considering my last real run was in northern Illinois in the winter... so basically the arctic tundra.  Everything hurt- my lungs, my throat, my ears, and I kid you not, even my ponytail.  But as I rounded the corner into our driveway I was satisfied that I had done it.  I put the effort out there, and that's half the battle.

Even through the frustration of it all, I felt at peace.  Kids weren't pawing at me, chores couldn't be done, and my Blackberry was still turned off since my workday had not yet started.  Nobody needed me and I could just think wonderful, lovely thoughts of my own.  I listened to worship music and praised God that I had the ability to do this and (eventually) do it well.  And I asked him for a little bit of motivation.  And that's when I realized that even when my mind and my body are disconnected, the spirit of that runner is still within me.  That spirit is what pulls me through.

I can honestly say that these same struggles apply to my Christian life.  My brain tells me that I should go to to church, read my Bible, pray more, and volunteer.  But on some Sunday mornings after a long weekend, my body decides to rebel.  Or sometimes before bed, I fall asleep while praying because my body is exhausted.  Just like everything else, calling yourself a Christian takes work.  I don't think people like to hear that, but it's true.  For a long time I felt like I was a "bad" Christian because I didn't spring out of bed on a Sunday morning to make sure I had the front row seat.  I would read a chapter of my Bible before giving up because I did not understand what it was saying.  And probably my worst offense is my inability to sit still long enough to pray to to the God who created me.  It sounds silly, but even keeping my eyes closed for three minutes during a prayer seems like work... and that's because it is.  But I've come to realize that it's okay, as long as you're doing the work.  And God, knowing that we humans have this disconnect, was wise enough (I mean, He is God... of course He thought of everything!) to send down his Holy Spirit- that spirit that lives inside us.  And that spirit is always willing... we just need to get our minds and our bodies to stop battling each other and actually listen to it!

Following Jesus is a lot like running (stay with me here).  Or working out for that matter.  In order to make it a habit, you have to stick with it.  You have to train, which takes time and dedication.  Eventually your body will function better and you'll be healthier over all  because you're taking care of it.  The spirit is no different.  You have to dust off that Bible and read it, which takes time and dedication.  Eventually your spirit will function better and be healthier over all because you're taking care of it.  Maybe to be a better runner you have to rid yourself of things that get in the way- junk food, long spells in front of the TV, etc.  Well to get your spirit "in shape" you may have to rid yourself of bad influences, addiction, "friends" that pull you down with them.  It won't be easy.  In fact, at times, it will be downright no fun at all and you'll wonder if it's worth it.  But at the end of this run, when we turn the corner and pull into the driveway, there will be a deep satisfaction because you put the effort out there... and that's half the battle.  And maybe, just maybe, if we keep up the effort and let the Spirit guide us, this journey will end with this:

²¹ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant!" (Matthew 25:21)

So be encouraged and be blessed in this new year.  Pick a goal and stick with it.  But most importantly, feed the Spirit, and you will be abundantly blessed in return.

And in 15 weeks when I run that first half-marathon in a very long time, remind me to read my own words, okay?  Because a lot of the time, I'm writing them for me, because I need to hear them.

We Start 'Em Young

As most of you probably know, one of our favorite past-times in Mauneyland is racing- well, marathons and triathlons mostly.  I realized today that I started this blog a little over two years ago and this has never been a topic because I've been on a two-year hiatus due to always being pregnant or nursing!  But once upon a time, there was not much that I liked better than a race day.  Josh and I have run several together and a few separate and have plans for more in the future.

After the 2009 Disney Marathon

So it was much to our delight that we heard that one of the biggest summer events here is the "Midsummer's Night Run" downtown.   The event includes a one-mile family fun run, a 5K, and wait for it...... the Fastest Kid in Town Race...... complete with a division for 1-year-olds!  As soon as I heard this, I knew that it was time to introduce our little boy to something that his mom and dad love so much!  And then to make it even better, my sister and brother-in-law decided to come down for their night and enter Adam into the race, too!  It's one of the perks of having us all living close to each other again!

At first, I think Josh was a little nervous that my competitive streak would come through and I would become some crazed lunatic about this whole thing.  However, I was surprisingly okay and just wanted to see Jake have a good time.  We went downtown plenty early and got the boys signed up.  The best part?  They even got official race bibs and numbers... how cute is that???

Our little racer... built for speed!

Adam is ready to go!  He even practiced "ready, set, go!" all week.

It was quite hot outside, so by the time race time rolled around, Jake was losing it a little bit.  We knew that it could go either way... he was either going to love it, or have a complete meltdown.  I stood at the other end of the racing field, which was quite a bit farther than I expected them to have to run!  I knew that Jake would never be able to see me from the other end, but at least I was at an angle to take pictures!  After the kiddos and their parents were all lined up, we heard "On your marks, get set, go!" and off they went!  Well... most of them anyway.  Thanks to Adam's training, he set off at a dead sprint (well, for a 1-year-old) and we pretty much thought it was in the bag.  About halfway to the finish-line, however, he noticed all of the folks on the sidelines cheering and clapping and became far more interested in clapping and cheering along with them than he was in running any farther!  It was incredibly cute (and comical).  Jake, on the other hand, took about three steps and just stopped!  I started yelling his name as loud as I could, but he just stood there!  There was another kid standing back there, too, and I could tell that Josh just couldn't get Jake to move!  Finally (after a winner was already determined) he came charging down the field and all was fine and good until he fell.  At that point, he was over it!  I ran out to try to coax him to the finish, but as soon as he saw me, his arms went straight up and he wanted to be carried the rest of the way.  Oh well... I guess our little bruiser wasn't built for speed after all!

Mindy and Adam on the far left, Jake and Daddy STILL standing at the start!

Go, Adam, Go!

Later I did learn that (as I should have expected) our little man was sabotaged.  The dad of the kid next to him had a sippy cup, and as soon as Jake spotted it, that's all he could focus on.  In retrospect, we should have come prepared with an apple or Goldfish to bribe him with since our kiddo loves to eat so much!  Oh well, maybe next time.  Josh ended up running the 5K later in the evening (along with many others in our family) and I took the boys home to bed... they were pooped!  And let's be honest, so was I just from standing in the hot sun for awhile!  The entire event was so much fun though and we're already excited for next year.  Aside from the races, there was some other fun that our little man was a big fan of as well:

Wheeeeeeee!!!!

Mmmmm... a cherry sno-cone.  Yes, please!

Once our little Lillian comes along, I hope to pick something to train for and get back into the race world again... it's been too long!  But I did enjoy being a spectator for once and think that I could get used to doing that more often as well!  All I know is that when the race rolls around again next year, we'll be ready!  Look out 2-year-olds... here we come!  

If you want to see a video of the cuteness, you can check out the post on my sister's blog here.

Runner's High

It was perfect. The air was crisp, the sun was shining, the Teeny-dog was by my side, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could run for days. Oh now I remember... this is why I run. This is what I have been missing. This is what it's supposed to feel like.

About six months into my pregnancy I decided to quit my love affair with the sport of running. I was on a jog one day and tripped and fell (in the middle of an intersection no less) and just barely caught myself from taking the brunt of the fall on my growing belly. With my balance out of whack, I hung up the running shoes and resigned myself to waiting until after our son came along to get back at it again. And then he was born, and well, those shoes stayed in the closet. Sure, I tried a couple of times and even blogged about my frustrations, but I was caught in a vicious cycle. I used to love to run because I was good at it. I used to be good at it because I ran a lot. I ran a lot because I loved it. When it came time for me to start back up again, even my three-milers, which used to be an easy-peasy workout, were tough. I was back to square one and did not like that I had to walk during these outings, and therefore I just decided not to go. Even though I had promised myself that I would stick with it, it was easier just to give up on it all together. I even tried to motivate myself with a new pair of shoes and a Garmin (for my husband... which coincidentally would be something I would use, too!) but I still had zero motivation. It wasn't until I was with my sisters earlier this month (goodness, I still need to blog about that trip!) that I made it a full three miles without stopping. It was a fluke, I thought. I had running buddies, so it was no wonder that my brain couldn't talk me into quitting like it normally did.

So this morning, out of nowhere, I decided to give it a whirl. The thermometer said 38 degrees, which sounded oddly appealing to me. 38 degrees meant that I could wear running tights and my favorite Nike dry-fit turtleneck. After Josh requested that I bring my cell phone, I dug through my closet and pulled out my pink fuel belt and secured it around my waist, tucking my cell phone securely in the zip pocket. I even filled up one of the water bottles just in case. And instead of just walking to the end of the driveway and heading off toward the park, I hopped in the car and drove to a running trail that I've always seen, but never actually took the time to go check out. With my favorite running gear on I felt the part again. This is the stuff that I used to get oddly excited about. This is the stuff that made me feel more like a seasoned runner when I needed a little motivation. These are the silly things that get me amped up about a race, or just the sport in general.

Teeny and I hopped out of the car and off we went. I decided to take her because she has so much energy in the cooler weather and if anything, she was pulling me at first. From the very first step it was as if my body suddenly remembered what to do again. My feet were moving mechanically, one in front of the other, and my brain could wander aimlessly or focus on the song that was playing. I thought about how lucky I am to have a body that can do this and how important it is to stay healthy for my son. I thought about how wonderful my husband is for getting up early most mornings so that I can get that extra hour of sleep. I praised God for the glorious weather and the clean air that filled my lungs. And I kept going even when my stopwatch said that I had gone as far as I had been planning on going. By the end, Teeny was lagging a bit behind and I couldn't help but smile.

These are the reasons that I run... I do it because even though I forgot for awhile, I do love it. Today I ran for me. I wasn't training for anything or thinking about getting baby weight off. I knew from the start that it was okay if I needed to stop and take a breather. It was simply 37 minutes of pure me-time... me left with my own thoughts and not having to worry about a baby getting into something or a husband needing someone to listen and bounce ideas off of. Yes, I love those things about this life I live, but I had forgotten how nice it is to just have solitude- just me and my naughty dog, and the open road ahead of me. It was the most perfect start to my day.

I look back on all of the years I spent training and the runs that stick out for me are those that were purely for me. I definitely enjoyed all of the long runs with my sister when we were training for something or another, but the ones that always come back to me are days like today. Days when I'm all by myself and I see a double rainbow, and I feel like God put it there for only me to enjoy. Days when I cover six or eight miles on auto-pilot and by the end, I can hardly even remember what got me through it, but marveled at how my body just robotically gets me there. Days when the sun is setting over a cow pasture (back when we had cow pastures near my old house) and time just seems to stand still. Days when my brain produced such poetic thoughts that I wished they were recorded so that I could go back and read them afterwards. In fact, this post was basically writing itself this morning as I cruised down the trail. All of these are me-moments, and they remind me that I love to run for these moments.

I can't guarantee that I will be back out there tomorrow or signing up for a race anytime soon, but I do know that I finally feel like a little part of me is coming back. A part of me that I missed, but wasn't sure how to reclaim. Today as I climbed back in my car, I might as well have had a medal around my neck. In comparison to past races that I've finished, my time and distance were minimal, but I had that same sense of accomplishment that comes when crossing a finish line. Somewhere along the way I forgot that I do this because I love it, and I never want to go back to doing it for any other reason. Especially now with a husband and a baby at home, I need to remember that it's okay to do it for me.

Pounding Pavement

Well I've done it. I've started running again. Not necessarily training for anything, but at least I am pounding the pavement. For those of you who have known me awhile, you probably know that running is a passion of mine. It's "me" time and occasionally "me and a good friend" time or "me and my husband" time. For a long time, it was "me and my sister" time and I really miss those runs. But since Jake came along, running has terrified me.

Okay, so I know that it sounds completely crazy to say that, but when the whole blood clot thing happened and I went on bed rest for awhile, I could slowly feel myself get out of shape. As many pregnant ladies do (and should in my opinion), I had that extra scoop of ice cream at night, that fourth piece of pizza, and that midnight snack when I wanted it. Slowly some pregnancy weight started creeping onto other parts of me besides that big ol' belly, but I didn't mind. And I don't wish that I had done it any differently. In the back of my mind however, I knew that putting on those running shoes again would not come easy.

Before I was pregnant, I could run a marathon. I could walk out the door and run a ten miler with very little difficulty. With very little training, I could survive just about any race if I needed to. And the tough part is that my mindset has stayed this way. My brain seems to be stuck in the past, thinking that I can very easily put on those shoes and keep a steady pace for a couple of hours. But not long into my run these days, my body does not feel the same way. Now instead of thinking "just make it to that next stop sign" I think, "that stop sign is too far away. I'll never make it." Instead of finding my groove- a happy place where my body pretty much does everything mechanically and my mind can wander and enjoy my surroundings, often times praising God for the beautiful day and the ability to run at all- I pant and grunt and my heart feels like it's going to pound right out of my chest. The "meanness" in me (as my husband always puts it) has been replaced with a very strong desire to quit, or at least walk much more than I'd like. In other words, it's not fun as much fun as it used to be, back when I was good at it. And I miss my fun... a lot. So I'm finding myself treating each run like an old friend that I have to get reacquainted with after a long hiatus. It's awkward right now, but I know that over time we will bond again and reconnect in our special way.

So although I have not signed up for any races (yet), I am going to continue to tie those laces, press "Start" on my watch, and get out there when I can. And hopefully soon, even if it's for just a couple of minutes, I will find that happy place and know that I am back. And those few moments will make it all worth it.