Reflections - Accountability

Sorry for not getting this up until today (which goes for Brittany over at Daughter... Wife... Mom... Sis too) but my husband was out of town all week and, well, I wasn't able to accomplish much of anything aside from chasing down two little ones. And Brittany's 4-year-old had his tonsils and adenoids removed yesterday so she's been tending to that and will have her post up late as well.  Life happens, you know? But kudos to Laurel over at Welcome to Deckerville for beating us both to it.  So onto this week's topic, which is accountability:

Friends... we all have them.  Some are friends for a short season and some are friends for life.  Some are friends that you partied with in college or went wild with on spring break, memories that you'd maybe rather forget.  And then others are the ones who console you when you're upset or going through a difficult time, give you advice, and hopefully steer you in a different direction when you're choosing a not-so-great path.  Throughout my life I have had all of these sets of friends, many that are and will be my best friends for life, but if I had to choose one that holds me most accountable, it would have to be my husband (say it together... "awwwwww").  But seriously, since day one, he has been the one who has supported me the most, encouraged me always, and challenged me to be the best version of myself, even when it meant making tough changes in my life that I did not always want to make.  And his baseline measurement for everything?  Scripture.  With every protest I had and every time I thought he was wrong, he opened that book and showed me things I had never seen.  For example, if I got caught in a lie, he would point out that the Bible  It's funny to me now, but looking back on our journey together I can remember how frustrating it could be. To me the Bible was just a book of stories, but to him it was a manual for how to live your life, which is what it is supposed to be. Fast forward to now and it's the same for me and I hope and pray that my children will always view it that way.

But let me back up a bit and give you a little background here.  Josh and I met and had a bit of a whirlwind romance. We were already in our late twenties and were both ready to meet "the one." After one date it was evident to both of us that this was it- and he was even bold enough to tell me that. On date two. Yeah, my husband can be a bit intense.  And because of these feelings he asked me to marry him a mere six weeks after that first meeting. To look back on it, I still think it's a little bit crazy, but it's one of those things that with hindsight being 20/20, I know it was God's timing... because if we hadn't gotten engaged that quickly, we probably would not have made it.  Yes, you read that correctly... because we made a commitment to each other so early on, we decided to work through a lot of things that would have probably broken us otherwise. And these things I speak of are all accountability issues.

Let me preface this by saying that I was not some sort of horrible person before I met Josh. As a friend, I am the same... fun-loving, outgoing, caring (sometimes to a fault), and compassionate. I love people so much and am fascinated by how different we all are and love getting to know people better. But the trouble with this is that not only do I attach myself to the good ones, but I also attach myself to the "bad" ones. I put bad in quotations because I do not think people are inherently bad, but there are some who influence others in not-so-great ways, myself included. Because I love people, I also crave acceptance- I love to be liked, and to be popular if possible. With that desire being bigger than any set of standards I had set for myself and who I want to be as a person, it's very easy to make decisions that are not in your best interest... just to be cool. To be liked. A person (like me) often does things to impress whatever crowd they're running with at the time, whether good or bad. You see this with Olympians- they are all great because they surround themselves with greatness. On the other hand, a drug addict never set out to become one, but because they more than likely surrounded themselves with other drug addicts, they eventually end up running that same course, too. It's all about your circle of influence.

Before meeting Josh, I really thought that once you became someone's friend, it was almost your responsibility to always be that person's friend. But as he began to point out to me, some relationships do more harm than good, so why would I want to keep them in my life?  Uhhhh... I had no answer. Through our engagement, he encouraged me to evaluate all of the people in my life and try and sort out who it was that made my life better, who shared the same values, and who built me up to be a better person, rather than dragged me down.  Often people think that they are going to be the friend that changes a person for the better, perhaps helping them turn away from a bad habit or a bad relationship or even lead a non-believer to Christ. While in some cases this is true, more often than not the opposite happens. A person has to be willing and open to change before you can change them. But even more so than that, you need to remember that YOU can't change anyone, only Christ can do that. Severing ties is one of the most difficult things a person can be faced with, particularly if you inherently care deeply for the other person. But if a "friend" or past relationship is continuously tearing you down or bringing you pain, it's time to evaluate whether or not you will be a path to that person's heart change. And if not, it's time to move on.

There are still people in my life that probably question my decision to turn my back on some people from my past, shutting them out completely. In the world of social media overload, it's common for us to keep connected with everyone, good or bad: ex-boyfriends or girlfriends and even people who have betrayed us somehow still continue to be our Facebook friends. And for what? As Josh once asked me, do you think he/she really cares how you're doing these days? Curiosity is one thing, but caring is completely different. How I'm doing probably has nothing to do with a person from my past's happiness... that thought alone was just a bit egotistical of me. Like I said, it's not easy and the decision will probably be questioned, but in Josh I saw light and a future. I saw a man who would teach me the right ways to live according to the living Word. And without knowing it at the time, I must have had a glimpse of a future filled with freedom from those past decisions that brought me guilt or shame, often derived by unhealthy relationships with people who weighed me down or led me astray. Is my husband perfect? Of course not, nor does he claim to be. In fact, there are days that he drives me completely nuts and we still disagree on things from time to time. But at the end of the day, moving forward with him and making our marriage and friendship as strong as possible is far more important than the road I traveled down to get here. 

I hope you find this encouraging if you're facing any similar situations. I pulled few verses that helped me through a lot of this to share with you as well:

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." (Matthew 7:6)

"If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." (Matthew 18:6)

"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'" (John 14:6)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

***

As for next week, I don't even know what the topic is because it's Brittany's turn to pick!  Keep an eye out for her post sometime soon and it will be at the bottom.  And as soon as I find out what it is, I'll share it in a new post, too!  I hope my words are encouraging to you, especially if you find yourself in this situation. Just remember that no matter what, you are loved. Have a fantastic weekend!

Some Special Dudes

First comes love...

Then comes marriage...

Then comes babies in the baby carriage...

No, I'm not making any sort of announcement!  Phew!  It's just that when that first baby comes along, the man you love becomes a father... and with every smile at the new baby, every kiss, every cuddle, every giggle, and every snuggle, you fall farther and farther in love with him.  Yes it's true, nothing looks hotter on a husband than fatherhood!  Josh has a way with our two kids that melts my heart like nothing else.  Those kids adore him.  Nobody makes them laugh harder, squeal louder, or grin bigger than he does.  He truly is their hero, and I truly am more and more in love with him everyday.  I am a lucky woman, and they are two lucky kids.

Happy Father's Day to Mauneyland's favorite pop!

And on that note, happy Father's Day to these VERY special guys as well!

Great Grandaddy

Great Pop-Pop

Grandpa

PawPaw

Uncle Josh

And Uncle Mike!

WE LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

With this ring...

It has been three short years since Josh and I tied the knot... can you believe that?  It truly feels like ten, and I mean that in a very good year.  These have been three of the most fun, exciting, adventurous, intense, rewarding, non-stop, busy, fulfilling, and incredible years of my life and I cannot imagine living it with anyone else.  Three years, two children, three states, two successful church plants- some people don't even do that in a lifetime!  I feel so blessed by all of it.

I can still remember the excitement I felt when Josh first put that ring on my finger... you know... "the" ring.  He proposed on an ordinary Thursday night because he told me that he could not wait to spend the rest of his ordinary days with me.  As sweet as the sentiment was, I can honestly say that our days have been anything but ordinary.  What we've seen, done, and experienced in those days since we got engaged and married is enough to fill a book.  But that day was the start of it, and that ring was a symbol of things to come.

I remember how at first I could not stop looking at it.  I would love when people would ask me to show it off or hear the story.  The lighting in our church at the time was incredible for making that ring sparkle, so I can honestly say I heard very little of the messages since I was too busy admiring my bling.  But three years later... it's just a part of me.

This ring represents so much more than just an eternal commitment to the man I love.  It now carries a few years of great memories with it, and countless stories through our ups and (very few) downs.  Although I'm pretty good at getting it cleaned up every six months, it is a bit more dull in places and on any given day may have remnants of play-dough in the prongs.  Those added extras are simply reminders of the fact that my hands have gotten dirty as we've planted a church together... we rolled up our sleeves and put in the work side-by-side as partners.  I have also worn it as I literally played in the dirt with our rambunctious two-year-old and dunked my hands in soapy water to bathe our babies.  And it the very few times that I have taken off for one reason or another, there is a definite absence that I can feel and do not enjoy.  My left ring finger is not right when it's bare.  It is meant to carry that symbol... of our love, our vows... but mostly our story.

I hope that I can someday pass down these rings to a child or a grandchild, either for themselves or for a an intended spouse.  By that point I also hope that they are even more "broken in" and have a few more dings and dents in them, because that would be the result of a few more decades of this life with my love.  We never know how much time we have on this earth, but I am thankful for each and every one that I spend with him.  My life is so much better with him in it and I am such a better version of myself than I've ever been.

So Josh, thank you for these past few years.  Thank you for your encouragement and constant reminder that I can do anything and be anything that I want as long as I put in the work.  Thank you for loving me and our kids unconditionally and for showing us every day.  Thank you for working harder than any person I've ever met to make sure our present and future is the best it can be.  But most of all, thank you for picking me.  Thank you for asking me.  And thank you for letting me wear this ring everyday.  It just keeps getting better and better and I look forward to what is to come.

Forever and ever...

The Ultimate Wedding Week: The Ceremony

There are three more topics left in the "Ultimate Wedding Week Link-Up Party" and today is all about the most important part: the ceremony.  Throughout our wedding planning process, Josh stayed very involved, but was most invested in the ceremony itself.  Seeing that he is a pastor and has been to his fair share of weddings, I loved planning this part with him as he had such a clear idea of what it should be.  And at the end of the day, we knew that if anything went wrong or a wedding detail did not happen the way we wanted it to, we would be husband and wife and that was the most important thing.  Focusing on that rather than all of the "what if's" really kept my stress levels down... knowing that I was going to be married to the most special person I have ever met was all that mattered.

So anyhoo... where was I?  Oh yes, the ceremony.  I've mentioned that we got married at the Doral Golf Resort & Spa in Miami, which has so many beautiful spots for a ceremony.  Being in Florida and having friends from all over visiting, we really wanted an outdoor ceremony, since God's church is everywhere anyway!  Why not get married in his biggest masterpiece?  I had to twist some arms to have my ceremony on the spa terrace, which was being taken over by new management that would be utilizing the area for other things and no longer available for brides.  It's such a shame, too, because this is what the gorgeous place looks like:

See what I mean?  The terrace itself is up top, the building behind it, overlooking the fountains and gardens.  And just so you know, I was the last bride to get married there.  We've come under new management yet again (Mr. Donald Trump's management in fact) and I hope this is one of the things he changes.  It would be a shame to not use this space for weddings!  This picture was taken in the early afternoon when my photographer arrived, and it rained shortly after.  All day.  It was cloudy and dreary, but the upside was that it was cool.  The event manager waited as long as he possibly could before pulling it inside, and about 2 hours before the ceremony, the rain stopped.  I wish I had a picture of the weather map that day because there was green covering all of south Florida, except for this little circle over Doral. God smiled on us that day for sure.  There was still a small part of us that was concerned it might rain down on us at any point (which happens out of nowhere all the time down there!) but we decided to go for it.  Besides, it would make a great wedding day story if all of our guests (and us) had to run inside and finish the ceremony there.  No big deal.  Because the venue was so gorgeous and green, we really did not need flowers or decoration.  We just kept it simple with a cross my mom bought for us and a garland that our florist made for the occasion.  I did not know what she had in mind (as we did not budget for it and so she said she'd make something inexpensive) but the final product was perfect.  Simple and elegant, which was pretty much my vision for everything.

For the processional, my lovely bridesmaids walked down the aisle to an acoustic guitar playing Canon in D.  Meanwhile, Josh waited at the bottom of the terrace steps and then made his way up to the top with our officiant and his groomsmen.

And then the moment was upon us... time to walk down the aisle!  I had not been nervous all day, but man did those butterflies amp up right then!  My dad asked me if I was ready and I could hardly speak, but then he said, "ok, let's go," and off we went.  I could see my guests long before I could see Josh as I had to round a corner to get to him.  I love the picture of me waving to him upon first sight.  This moment to me made it worth waiting until the ceremony to see each other.  I also love how incredibly big and cheesy my smile is in these pictures... clearly this was the happiest day of my life to that point!  I did not realize how choked up my dad got until I saw that last picture.  He really had to try hard not to lose it.

I really did not get too emotional until it my dad gave me away.  He told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek... it was such a mixture of happy and sad, but I held it together.  Seeing Josh standing there brought that smile right back to my face.  One of my favorite pictures of the day is the one of my dad and I standing there waiting for that moment.  I love the contrast of our faces.  My dad has three daughters and I am the third, so even though it was difficult all three times, seeing his baby go was not easy.  That is why Miss Lilly is never allowed to get married.  Okay, okay, that's a tad unfair.  Maybe I'll change my mind when she's 35.

The ceremony itself was pretty much mapped out by Josh and myself.  Because we were not getting married in a church, we chose to be married by our friend, Blake, who is also in ministry and one of the godliest men that I know.  He had never performed a wedding and was so honored when we asked.  We gave him the specifics and told him that first and foremost, we did want a Gospel presentation to be a part of the ceremony, but we also wanted the ceremony to be twenty minutes tops... it would be too hot for anything longer!  When we met with him the day before, he nervously read us what he had prepared.  He talked about how God loved marriage so much that He started and ended the Bible with one... the first being between man and woman the second being between His son and the church.  It was beautifully thought out and eloquent and we were stunned at how well he took what we wanted and put it into words and Blake was stunned that we liked it so much!  Josh told him that he would be "borrowing" that opening message for the weddings he performs in the future and as promised, Josh's version of it has been put to use once or twice.  We are so thankful to have friends like Blake and his wife Julie.

As for the ceremony elements, we did not want to do a unity candle as we were outside and we did not want to do the sand because we did not want to have to keep a jar of sand in our house forever.  No offense to those of you who choose to do that, but it just wasn't "us."  Josh loved the concept of Ecclesiastes 4:12 that says "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."  This verse had been printed on our invitations, too.  He thought it would be awesome if we made something to braid and after a little Google research, I found that this already existed!  We purchased our rope from God's Knot, a website that I stumbled across on accident.  The braided cord now hangs over the cross from our wedding and both are displayed on our mantle.  If you choose to do this, I would suggest making sure your groom knows how to braid first!  He faked his way through it like a champ!

The other thing we really wanted was for our bridal party to come around us in prayer.  Thankfully we had a large enough area up front to make this happen and it actually resulted in another one of my favorite photos from the day.

Aside from the verse in Ecclesiastes, we also had two of our cousins come up and read from Ephesians 5:21-28 and 5:31.

This was the only point in the ceremony when the weather gave us a scare.  A huge gust of wind swept through and for a moment, everyone thought that a downpour would come with it.  Our photographer was ready and captured the moment perfectly with both Josh and I looking at the sky.  On our video you can hear Josh whisper, "just five more minutes, God."  He not only gave us five, but the rain stayed away for the rest of the night so we could get more outdoor photos, too.

Finally we said our vows and exchanged rings.  Josh and I decided to read and write our own vows, which was more difficult than I thought it would be.  How do you tell a man how much you love him in just a couple of minutes?  I thought a lot about it, wrote many version, and admittedly did not complete them until that morning.  And for some reason, on our wedding day, I just had such clarity on what I wanted to share at that special time... the words basically wrote themselves.  Many people told us that it was their favorite part of our wedding.  I'd have to agree.

Then finally I heard those words that every girl dreams about since childhood... "Without further ado, I know pronounce you husband and wife.  You may kiss the bride!"

To me, it was perfect and I would seriously not change a thing.  I cannot believe this post got so long, but I just didn't want to leave anything out.  My advice to any couple would be to make the ceremony your own, even if you're staying within a traditional framework like we did.  We found elements that were unique to us, but showed others how much we loved each other and more importantly, how God was at the center of it all.  A lot of couples get nervous about writing their own vows, but I would also encourage couples to consider this.  I do love the traditional ones, too, and the fact that couples for thousands of years have recited those same sacred words, but there was so much more that I wanted to share with Josh on that day.  We put some of the traditional vow elements into the "repeat after me" portion of the ring exchange so that they could be incorporated, too.

Once our ceremony was over the guests all went over to the cocktail reception and we took a few photos with family, our bridal party, and a few (far too few!) of just the two of us.

I have tons of advice when it comes to this because we did it all wrong!  I had read to make a list of the picture you want taken that day and even though I meant to do it, I never did.  Because we didn't have a plan I feel like we missed out on a lot of pictures that I would've loved to have had.  For example, we do not have one of our combined families together or even our extended families with us!  And we literally have only one photo of our entire bridal party together and somehow my flower girl isn't even in it!  There were such beautiful places on the grounds that I loved, such as stone staircases and iron gates, but I never shared that with my photographer.  He wanted to take photos out on the golf course, and since he's the expert, we did that.  I felt like we spent too much of our allotted photo time riding in the cart to get there and then I looked windblown in every one of them.  He did do a great job and again, I take responsibility for not getting the ones I wanted, but my point is to speak up.  It's YOUR day.  I agree that they are experts, but all of your vendors can and should be able to work within the parameters of your vision.  I do not Pinterest (as I have plenty of other things- mainly 2 small kiddos- that take up enough of my free time) but if you're planning a wedding, find the kinds of pictures you like from other wedding, pin them, and then show them to your photographer so that he or she can see what kind of style you like.  I had a "photography" file saved on my computer, but I never shared any of the sample pictures with him because I did not want to offend him.  Now I know that he would not have been offended in the least, and if your photographer does get offended, I would reconsider using him or her!  Your pictures are the one thing that lasts forever, so to me, spending the most of your budget there to get exactly what you want is super important.  On the upside, the photos he did take are amazing and our video is probably the best I have ever seen.  They have since relocated to Southern California, so if you're in that area, they are worth every penny.  You can check out their site here.

Okay, I think I've bored you all enough today... I never meant to get so long winded!  Make sure you go over to Shue Love today and link up with all of the other brides there.  And stay tuned for the reception on Wednesday and the details on Friday.  Thanks for letting me share!

Love Day Link-Up: The Story of Mauneyland

Even though we don't really do much for Valentine's day (and the day has already passed), I decided to link up with Becky from the Mrs. to Mama blog and talk about my favorite subject, the story of how Mauneyland all began!  So here goes... the story of us:

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?

This might be a shock to some of you, but Josh and I met on July 31, 2008.  Yep, a marriage and two kids later and we've known each other a whopping three-and-a-half years!

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}

Let me start by saying that even though he doesn't remember it, I can still remember the very first time I saw Josh.  It was at church and he smiled and said "good morning" to me.  He was so incredibly good looking that I thought that I was pretty darn impressed with myself!  I thought, I must look good today!  Then he got up and did the announcements and I realized that he was a pastor and was required to say "good morning" to everyone.  And that there was no way that I would ever date (much less marry) a pastor!

We were officially introduced at the Doral Golf Resort & Spa, where I still work (albeit from home now).  A friend of mine brought him and a friend of his to play golf and I walked out to greet them and check them in.  It just so happened that I dressed up that day and on the first tee, Josh looked at my friend Christie and said, "I think I'm going to marry your friend."  She laughed and told him that he was not my type, probably due to the fact that he was a pastor.  He bought us all lunch afterwards and called later that night to "make another tee time," which was actually his lead-in to asking me on a date.

3. If married, how long have you been married?

We will have been married for three years on June 13th this year (Jake was our honeymoon baby).

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding?  

We got married at the same place we met, the Doral Golf Resort and Spa in Miami, Florida.  Since I work there, I had a very specific idea of where on the property I wanted everything to take place and how it should all look.  All in all, about 130 people watched us join together in holy matrimony on a terrace overlooking the golf course.  It was supposed to storm and even though the wind picked up at one point, the weather held out just for us and the breeze actually kept it from being scorching hot!

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Do share!

Not really.  Josh has nicknames for just about everyone, but I'm mostly "babe."  So is he for that matter.  We're super creative.

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.

Only three???  I would definitely say his love for God, his ambition, and his sense of humor.  And I do need to add in his calves... haha.  That's a bit of a running joke around here.  But seriously, they are fantastic.

7. Tell us how he proposed?

Our story is a bit random actually.  I wasn't really expecting a proposal (since we had only been dating for 6 weeks) but the night before he actually proposed he made this big fancy candlelight dinner, gave me a card and flowers, and throughout the meal I started getting suspicious.  After dinner he told me to check the oven and I got really excited, thinking that maybe this was it and there would be a ring in there.  But alas, it was an apple pie.  I have never been so disappointed about an apple pie in my life.  His decoy plan was perfect.

So the next day I rushed over to his house after work because we had planned to go meet some people and I was running late.  I quickly changed clothes and then he sent me on a wild goose chase to find the remote control before we left.  He needed to set the DVR.  Looking back I should have questioned why he didn't look for it himself or at least asked what he needed to record.  Since he knows me so well, I first looked in the most obvious place (the drawer in the entertainment center) and sitting there was a ring box.  I was totally confused.  And then he walked over, dropped to one knee, and asked me to marry him.  He told me that he would rather propose on a normal Thursday than with some grandiose gesture, since the normal Thursdays are what he was looking forward to in our life together.  After I said "yes" he handed me a Bible and on the first page it said, "To Kim, on the day you said "yes," October 2, 2008.  At that point, I did get super teary.  We spent the rest of the night meeting up with friends and calling our families.  It was so much fun!

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals?

Um, neither really.  Although once he did make a trail of Hershey's kisses all through the house, which was pretty awesome.  And he likes to send me or bring me flowers when I don't expect it.  So he is a flowers and chocolate guy on unexpected days throughout the year I guess.  For Valentine's day we've decided to just buy gifts for the kids and then go out on a date sans kiddos. We actually discussed our Valentine's Day expectations yesterday so that we would have a standard from year to year!  

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?

I would pick option A, but seriously, we have two kids and don't live near a beach.  So I do look forward to the day we go on a vacation again and get to do that.  But popping in a movie and relaxing on the couch happens at least once a week around here.  And going to the movies is even better, which again, we never really get to do anymore.  I'm pretty sure the next theater movie we'll go see will be something released by Disney or Pixar.  I am surprisingly okay with it.

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?

Wow is this list long!  We have plenty of things on our "bucket list" but my true dream is to go with him on a mission trip someday, preferably to Africa since neither one of us have ever been.  The good news is that I know this is in our future.

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day.

We didn't have plans until Valentine's Day.  Josh called his dad to come over and watch the kids and we ventured out to our favorite restaurant (Saul Good), thinking it would be a crazy wait.  This restaurant is incredibly delicious, and the wait was only 15 minutes and there was plenty of space to wait in the bar.  I think people were scared it would be busy and steered clear.  It worked in our favor and was so well worth it!

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day?

Nope, just one-on-one time with my husband.  After the craziness of the past few months, that would be perfect.

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love.

Communication is everything, which is something I have to work on daily.  Both people have to clearly define their expectations.  If I tell him to do something and he doesn't do it, it's his fault.  But if I expected him to do it and never communicated that, I have no room to get upset if he doesn't do it and vice versa.  Assumptions are never a good thing.

14.  Show us a picture of what love means to you.